The Mall Whore and Granny Ho

I am a mall whore. My clothes come from Banana Republic, Gap, Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft and Jcrew. I love tissue tees and the editor pants at Express. My underwear is from Victoria Secret and I usually smell like Sun Ripened Raspberry from Bath and Body Works.

So now that you know my qualifications, I can tell you this story.

My mom, my son's grandma, is a great woman - all 66 years of her. She changed her life and has lost over 50 pounds. She is showing girl power and wanting to flaunt it. When she had my brother and I she gave up her style and became a sweats mom. I don't see anything wrong with this.

Now that she has lost the weight she is kind of turning into a Granny Ho. We went to Filene's Basement (she only shops discount stores) and I had to pry her out of the juniors department. While I admit she had some cute clothes in her hand, there is a reason those t-shirts are for 14 year old girls. As a mall whore I know. I have experience with Forever 21 and H&M. I know what nicer cuts and fabrics do for a figure. I also know to stay out of Macy's Juniors department. I probably shouldn't really even be in Forever 21 or H&M. But my extensive time slutting around the mall and philanthropic support of all the mall stores qualifies me to know that there is a time and place for the juniors department (bachelorette party attire).

I feel like this is the problem with discount stores and potential Granny Ho's. The discount stores are for professional mall whores only. Those of us who know our stuff. Even designer brand whores can get in trouble there. See discount stores have Seven jeans that didn't sell.

I am not knocking discount stores. I guess I just think they should come with a Granny Ho disclaimer. Or a shop at your own risk sign. Malls have it all planned out. If I take the Granny Ho to a mall she heads right for J-Jill or Chicco's. These are her type of stores.

We have a baby shower for a friend coming up. I am going to pee my pants laughing if the Granny Ho shoes up in another Junk Food Tee. I love her though - the ho bag slut that she can be at times.