I work at a large ass company. The people that work at my company come in many different shapes and sizes. There is also a very wide interpretation of what it means to be business casual. The other day I saluted one woman's interpretation with a conversation in the elevator. Of course this conversation took place entirely in my head - and now on my blog.
Me: Hey goth girl with large nose
Goth Girl: Hey J-crew bitch
Me: What possessed you to wear patent black 4 inch stripper heals that make your calves clinch to work today?
Goth girl: I am not sure, the same thing that made you decide to wear gold ballet flats to work - I thought they would look nice with my dress.
Me: Yeah that dress is great. It is super tight and I can totally see that in the elevator reflection you like the way it makes your cleve look. Plus the black lace cardigan will keep you warm in our over air conditioned corporate tower.
Goth girl: Well speaking of the boob area - your cotton J-crew dress covers up your nursing bra nicely. You should go milk those things soon - swush swush.
Me: Thanks bitch, err Wednesday - how long did it take you to get to work from the dark mansion you call your home?
Goth Girl: Faster than you from your suburban cookie cutter house.
Me: Exiting the elevator - Have a good day.
As I exited the elevator I kept thinking - where on earth could that girl possibly work? There are so many exciting possibilities in our large company. Perhaps Goth is considered part of the new diversity initiative. I even went as far as to do a quick Google search but all the pages about "Goth Corporate Jobs" had white text on a black background so I got super dizzy and wanted to take some drugs. For now I am going to stick with my best guess - accident claims?. A bit disgusting, and probably totally racist for me to have this thought - but - it satisfies me for now.